2012 on the horizon

As I sip some yummy homemade hot chocolate from my good friend Nicole, It's really hard to describe the way I feel right now. I feel broken and numb. This month was the first month of "infertility help". Yes, I shouldn't think it should only take one month. But when you invest yourself and $300 you really hope that you are the lucky and get it on the first try. Plus its been 2 years in Jan. 2012, since we have been trying and have not had a successful life birth. Tim and I have decided that we are not going to try again with the doctors help next month due to the expense. This has been really hard on our marriage. It definitely made us stronger as a couple but is the root of a lot of quarrels. This next month we are planning on heading up to Flagstaff for a few nights to relax and hopefully play in the snow. I would love to make it as a goal to go out of town every month for at least one night. I wish we could make it happen and maybe we will.

Currently, Tim and I are planning on selling our house in April(3 years since we have been here). Which means we can sell it and not repay our 8,000 tax credit we got from the IRS for purchasing the house. This is actually keeping my mind distracted because I am OBSESSED with looking at houses. I have a redfin app on my IPAD. Its nice to see a lot of the houses are "pending" and are selling fast. We have decided to move because we want to be closer to our family, especially my mom. Also a bigger backyard would be nice. ;)

Tim and I have not decided what we want to do for New Years yet. We have had several offers to do things but have not decided yet. I am in a weird mood and don't know how I will feel come Saturday night.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Until next time,

XoXo,

J-Lo

Gratefulness

Gratefulness, something that I have been trying to achieve in my own personal life. I have learned to look at the small things that everyone takes for granted and be grateful for them. For example a job! Who can say now a days they have a job that they enjoy? Who can say that they have been with a company for almost 10 years! (Feb. 16th) I can't believe that myself a 26 year old that I have been with the same company for this long. I am lucky that I work Monday-Thursdays. And that they provide me with health insurance. I know this is very rare to have a company 100% cover me! I am grateful for the house that my husband and I own, and for the two cars that we own. I am lucky to have had my house cleaned inside and outside. (thanks to my wonderful grandma for this Christmas gift) I love my two girls, Bella and Lily. I am also very lucky to have amazing family. I am lucky to have such amazing supportive friends. Especially after the year I have had. I know who my true friends are after this crazy year. I love getting supportive texts, like asking how I am doing etc. And having you say some prayers for me would be much appreciative! There is nothing I want more in life right now then to start a family.

I am so excited for the weekend. Tomorrow morning begins with a Secret Santa/Stocking event for my work. Tomorrow night I am spending time with a few of the most amazing mothers/friends. Saturday is full of cookie baking and then an evening full of family time. Sunday, Football and cookie decorating with the family! These are some of my favorite things during this time of year!

Until next time,

XoXo

J-Lo(my initials at work ;)

Busy, busy holiday season!

So, don't get my wrong I LOVE the holidays. But my calender is packed full of holiday events to attend! This month nearly every day of every weekend of this month I at least have one even to attend if not two. I also always feel bad because I am not always able to attend all of them! I feel exhausted though looking at my calender.

To top it off I have a slew of doctor appts. I have never ever been to the doctor more then I have been this year. I feel so weird having to go to the doctor so much. Although, the doctor I have seen the most this year is my fertility doctor! This is a good thing because there will be a positive outcome with doctor eventually. I love talking so openly about this. I feel like more of us need to talk openly about this matter! Every where I seem to go someone has struggled with getting pregnant. I am currently taking Femara, a newer better version of Clomid. I really have had no symptoms that I have noticed which is nice. I go see Dr. Craig on Friday to have an ultra sound and then they will show me how to give myself an HCG shot. YIKES! Yes I said give myself a shot, I cringe thinking about it. I am thinking I will have to have my WONDERFUL hubby do it for now. Apparently, they are easy to do? Anyways they will tell me when to inject myself and when is the best time to "you know". Yes a little TMI but its the truth! I hope this go around works. I won't let all of you know when it happens, not until I am far along. I don't want a repeat of earlier this year.. I don't want to jinx it! That Femara stuff is expensive! Of course my insurance wont cover it. It is $160 for 10 pills! YIKES! But I keep telling myself it will all be worth it!

In the midst of all of this I am studying for a midterm for my online Chemistry class. It is going very well so far, but I always seem to choke on tests. I have found a new love for youtube! I have used my outline for my midterm and plugged them into you tube and have all of them explained to me in 100 different ways for me to understand and remember. Also this week is our annual holiday open house at my work. We throw a wonderful party at our office for our families and friends. It is a lot of fun, but also a LOT of work! I am tired thinking about it especially knowing that I have to take the midterm the following day..

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season so far! BTW do any of you watch CW's Gossip Girl or 90210?! Both episodes ended with a car crash! WTH! And they don't come back on for another month.

XoXo,
JLO

A Special Day

Today is my wonderful husband, Tim Loken's birthday! What an exciting day. If his parents hadn't given birth to him 26 years ago, who knows where I would be right now. I am so lucky to have found such a wonderful, strong man. Last night we went out with my grandma, grandpa and mom for his birthday dinner. Then after Tim went and bought some Nike shoes that he has been wanting for awhile. We also got him a nice packer hat. Today, we are going to just relax maybe get a soft meal. Since today was a Friday and I don't work I scheduled a dental procedure today. I am eating some homemade apple sauce from my mom! I have to say I am so lucky to be in the dental community. Because I am a dental assistant and my grandpas ties with other dds' in the area. I was able to get this oral surgery procedure done today. I have had this "bump" inside my lower left lip for awhile. Come to find out its a fibroma(scar tissue buildup). I am have been too scared to do anything about it for a year now. And I am a dental assistant, sad huh? Finally, it was starting to bug me so much I decided to go visit Dr. Leslie Fish (http://www.drlfish.com/) He is an amazing doctor. I just used N2O and that worked wonders fro me. I listened to my ipod and just rested my eyes during the appt and nothing really bothered me at all! And believe me my pain tolerance is LOW. If you ever need any type of oral surgery work see him! I highly rec. him. The assistant that worked with me was such a sweet heart. Come to find out her and I are have fertility issues. She is 26 like me and trying desperately to conceive. It was nice to connect with someone and sit there and discuss everything we have done.

Speaking of fertility, I am soon starting Femara tomorrow. This is a newer fertility drug and does not have as many side effects as Clomid. This mom from my office said that Clomid made her mean. So I am hoping Femara does not do this to me. I am warning all of you now, don't take me seriously if I give you attitude for the next week ;) Anyways I hope this month is my "lucky" month. Even if it would be a September baby and I would be huge during the summer. IT IS SO WORTH IT!

I am looking forward to the holidays this year even if I am not going to decorate our own house. This possibly could be our last year at this house as well and I just don't have the energy to decorate. I think this baby stuff, work, and my chemistry class are eating up all of my energy right now. This is why I am especially excited for my grandmas Christmas gift to Tim and I. She is getting our house cleaned and the yard maintenance done! Yay! No heavy duty cleaning or yard work this month. And Tim and I are very clean people so this deeper house cleaning will last a long while.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend so far!

Until next time,

XoXo,

Jessica

End of Thanksgiving weekend

As I sit here and write this blog I am finally experiencing Pandora. I am so behind on the times. I am also typing this blog from my new IPAD! I am in love with this thing. It is amazingly fast and there are still so many things to discover. I also bought a case with wireless keyboard that helps me type easily for long things like this. I can't believe how fast this "long" weekend went. Wednesday afternoon was filled with running errands picking up Tims cousin Leo. He wanted to stay at our house weekend, which was totally fine with us! I was also able to make an appt with the Oral Surgeon. I have been putting it off forever cause I am scared, and I am a dental assistant! What a wimp. Well since I am a dental assistant I am having the procedure done for free. I think I will bring them a fruit platter or something. Thursday was full of Turkey, literally. We first spent the morning at Tims family watching our packers play and win of course! Then we went to my moms for Thanksgiving. She cooked the whole meal her self! She did an AMAZING job! My mom and I braved Black Friday although we were both not really looking for anything but it felt wrong not going. My mom then the following morning went to my favortie doctor at the moment no matter how much they poke and prawd me, my fertility Dr. Craig. After that appointment I felt happy and reassured something should be happening very soon. And also a little sore from the injection they gave me. I did some more shopping by going to Dolce Salon and Spa getting "hunies" which were $40 and I get $100 worth of service. This is also the day Tim came home from work and suprised me with my ipad! Saturday my good friend Nicole had a Taffy pulling party. Bascially it was great girl time. The taffy part didnt work in our favor that day. Oh well it was funny to laugh about it. Then of course Sunday is filled with football. But this Sunday was filled with me reading through the Hunger Games Book 1. OMG, this is amazing book and ordered the next two right away. Yes I can now order them straight to my ipad but I like holding books. I guess I am old fashioned? So usually this is the weekend people bring out all of their Christmas decorations and put up lights. For some reason this year I am in the Christmas spirit every where but in my own home. I dont feel like putting up our tree or getting out any decorations for that matter. I stare now at the onsie that says "babys first Christmas" that I had bought back in March for .75 cents, anticipating our first child. I wonder if deep down this is why I dont have the urge to get all the Christmas gear out this year because it feels empty. I am hoping/better be celebrating next Christmas as a family of three. I honestly dont know how much longer Ill be able to take it. Everyone keeps saying all will be fine, it will happen when its supposed to etc. Of course I love people caring but in reality it doesnt help me feel any better. Alright enough of my sob story.. Until next time, XoXo JLo

Thanksgiving Eve..

Here I am sitting at my computer. I just finished submitting my weekly homework assignment for Chemistry. I was so happy to submit it this week because I really understood it. I have my midterm coming up soon I am very nervous for that! I don't do well with tests, never have, never will I think. At least I have a wonderful teacher that is helping me every step of the way to succeed in this class.

Sadly, earlier last week Tim found a dead bunny aka rabbit in our front yard. I was so sad to hear this. It was a pretty large gray bunny. And I also wondered how did a bunny get into our yard? It's not like I live in the middle of nowhere. Then tonight Tim and I spotted a black bunny hopping around our yard and our neighbors yard. Tim asked the next door neighbor if it was his and of course it wasn't. I am thinking it has to be someones bunny right? I mean how many wild black bunnies do you see in the wild? Tim and I decided to put some carrots out for it tonight. We call him/her smokey. She seemed to like them, so we put a bunch out. I don't want the bunny to starve! I am wondering if we should call an animal shelter? I don't know what to do. She of course is impossible to catch.

On this eve of thanksgiving I have a lot of things to be thankful for. Of course my health first off even if I have been feeling poked and prodded all year. I think this year I have been to more doctors then I have ever in the past. Ick. Although it has helped with my major fear with needles. For example, blood tests I have learned to manage as long as I look away and have an excellent nurse doing them. I have to have another procedure next week but at least I will get some "laughing" gas! :) I am also thankful for my wonderful husband, mother, father, brother, grandmother, cousins, friends, etc. I could go on and on. I am also thankful for my wonderful girls Bella and Lily. I am thankful that I am able to spend two thanksgivings tomorrow first off with Tim's family and then later with mine. I am thankful that I can actually go out on Black Friday and be able to purchase things. I am thankful for my house, job, car. I know that I am spoiled with everything I have. I am a very lucky lady.

Until next time,

XoXo,
J-Lo

Randomness

Today was just another Monday at work. I had one of the cutest patients come in today(okay, there is always a ton of cute ones daily), but this one stood out to me more. The patient was under the age of two, and just the cutest thing ever. The little patient even came up to me and wanted to sit in my lap and showed me his little special toy and everything. The parent mentioned to me that the child did not do that to just anyone. Made my day! These are some of the perks with my job. I get to hang out with cute kids all day and listen to all the quirky things they say all day. I can't wait till the day I have one of my own though! Soon, very soon it better happen..or else I may be wanted for kidnapping my doctor. Just kidding, but really it better happen soon or else I will become a crazy lady. I have a very important doctor apt on Friday at 8:30 to meet with my favorite Dr. Craig to discuss my future! :) I am super excited and Friday can not come any sooner!

This week is Thanksgiving. I can't believe how fast it came up. I will be spending most of the afternoon with Tim's aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. It should be a lot of fun. In the evening we will be at my mom's hanging out eating and looking at the ads for black Friday. One of my favorite crazy days of the year. I am on a mission this year for a tablet of some sort and maybe a laptop. Who knows? I love bargains in case you didn't know. If you would like to know of some fantastic bargain sites, then "like" these on face book. http://www.facebook.com/?ref=cue#!/Hip2Save, http://www.facebook.com/?ref=cue#!/CuckooForCouponDeals , http://www.facebook.com/?ref=cue#!/ArizonaShoppingSecrets (Arizona people only), http://www.facebook.com/?ref=cue#!/discountqueen. I have already gotten a lot of deals, coupons, freebies from them. For example in the mail today I received a free sample of toms of maine toothpaste and a free sample of beef jerky. I am also a avid coupon cutter and get the newspaper weekly which has ads in it on Sundays along with the coupon inserts! I usually save at the very least $40.00 on groceries every trip we make.

Until next time,

XoXo,
J-Lo

Three Day weekend bliss...

Today is the start of my three day weekend. Actually every weekend is a three day weekend. I feel like I get more of break when I have a FOUR day weekend. For example on Memorial day and Labor day. I know a lot of people say "you are so lucky" to have a three day weekend. I am lucky to have a three day weekend but it is the only day that I am able to do errands ie, doctor visits etc without having to take any time off of work. Monday through Thursday I am at work until sun up to sun down. So when are doctors offices open before or after that? NEVER. So if I didnt have these wonderful Fridays off then I wouldnt be able to get anything done. It is also my homework day, laundry day, house cleaning day etc. So don't think that I am just sitting around on my Fridays. Although sometimes I wish I was and am if I am sick etc. Today is an extra perk because we are having our carpets cleaned. Only our big front room, living room and hallway but that is the areas that need it the most. I love having our carpets cleaned! It has been too long since we had done it before. One of our dogs Lily, every winter gets too cold to use the doggy door. (wimpy dog). So every winter its like we are potty training her for a couple of weeks. Hence one of the reasons we are having our carpets cleaned.

This weekend I have some wonderful things planned. Today-listed above. Saturday-Undy 5k with some friends and family, then going out with some girlfriends tomorrow night for some dancing! Sunday-Tim and I are getting massages at our favorite spa Dolce Salon and Spa at 9am. We dont want to miss any football so of course I had the massages set for that early! I got Tim hooked on these massages about a year or so ago at Dolce. Although he was first hooked on our honeymoon in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. This will be our fourth massage we are getting together as a married couple! Thats almost a massage and a half a year. :) If you haven't "liked" Dolce on facebook yet you need to. They have these "hunies" for example you can spend $50.00 and get $100.00 worth on the gift card. This is what I am using to get our massages and also I have some Dolce Dollars on my account. These are earned when they have hookups or you prebook etc. We never pay very much for our massges just tip and a little extra depending how much hunies I have or Dolce Dollars.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

xoxo,
JLo

School..Life

Do you ever get that feeling where you can just never relax? I get this feeling when I am taking a class for school or if things need to be done around the house. I get this feeling of uneasiness and can never really settle down. I work 10 hours a day Monday through Thursday and I feel like when I come at night I eat dinner, watch a bit of TV and try to focus on homework or tidy up the house a bit. I feel as if I don't have time to do anything other then these things Monday through Thursday. I worry about the future and I am going to be a mom someday and juggle all of this still! How am I going to do it? I am already exhausted every night and I am just taking care of my self and my husband. It's a really scary thing to think about, because I am 100% I am not going to have the luxury of being able to be a stay at home mom or able to just work part time . I enjoy my work, but it sure is exhausting because when I am at work I am giving 150%.

On a happier note I finally signed up for undy 5000 on Saturday morning in. It is a colon cancer 5k. I have been doing this yearly with my mom! I feel closer to colon cancer because my mom was affected by it. She was diagnosed in May 2005, seems like forever ago but it sure has taken a toll on her. She is the most amazing strongest woman that I know. I HATE CANCER! It has affected too many people in my life. It needs to leave my family alone. I wish there were easier less painful cures to go along with Cancer! GRR!

BTW did anyone see Gossip Girl this week? It's my FAVORITE show.. I think for now on I will end my blogs with "xoxo" like they do on that show ;)

xoxo,

J-Lo

Manic Monday

Ah, I love Mondays, we all do right? (note my sarcasm there) Today was a pretty crazy one. It was one of those days where you are short some people at work so it makes the day more crazy, but it sure does make the day go by fast which is nice. It sure is nice to come home to watch my Green Bay Packers play! I LOVE THEM. I hope we will be able to attend a game some year, hopefully next year. Thank goodness for my hubby who introduced them to me. It's not like I was ever a TRUE fan of the cardinals. Have I mentioned before that I am IN LOVE with Aaron Rodgers? I love seeing him on screen, and now he is in a state farm ad on TV! Whoop! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru7PVVqq_pY I hope we are 9-0 by tonight, we are up by 17 now at halftime (I don't want to jinx it!). And another perk is with the packers doing so well, means my fantasy team is doing well and I may finally win after a few weeks of struggling.

Sabrina at my work always has wonderful holiday items she buys and then sells. I bought 2 candles, some plates (for cookies my family makes yearly), some mini bubble baths and 3 dog toys all for $15! I was so excited. She sells the stuff out of her trunk easy shopping is what I like. Another bargain of the day is I received my free coupon for Kettle Brand chips(my hubby loves these and gobbles them up). They are $5 a bag usually! Thanks to my face book bargain pages I "like" they always let me know when there are amazing deals out there. I am such a bargain shopper and LOVE getting things for free or having coupons for things! I need to get a bigger coupon book I have noticed. I am on a look out for one. Tim and I always save at least $50 or more on our grocery shopping trip.

Well I think I hear my packers starting up again! :)

Jessica

Sunday Funday aka Football Sunday

Sunday's are one of my favorite days on the weekend when it is football season. I don't like Sundays as much when football is not going on because I know I have to be at work the next day. Don't get me wrong, I love my job I just hate knowing that I need to be somewhere and having to wake up early. Anyways thanks to me husband and to my cousin Breanna for getting me involved with football and FANTASY football! I absolutely love fantasy football. In fact I am obsessed! It is so much fun. I highly recommend it to everyone, especially to help you get involved with football if you have a sports fanatic for a husband like I do. I actually enjoy watching football now and will watch football when my husband isn't even home. I always check my lineup daily and Sunday morning I wake up early and double check it again and listen to ESPN to see if any of my players are out or anything. I am definitely doing better this year in fantasy football then last year. I think it may be due to the fact I have Aaron Rodgers, who is MVP in fantasy football according to ESPN. He is also THE best quarter back out there right now. I am in love with him, Tim knows this. :)

This weekend has a pretty good one, very relaxing. I had a few drinks with my good friend Chelle at Ra last night, followed by some quick shopping. I scored a downtown basics shirt for $7! I was super excited. I am a fanatic when it comes to bargains. I hate spending full price for things. Tim and I also had a blast at our friends Lance and Nicole's game night. We played this game would you rather? For example one of the questions was would you rather "run a full marathon with blood blisters on all of your toes, or have sunburns on your back, neck and head?." Our group decided the sunburn, what about you? We also had to do these challenges which were pretty funny, for example I had to mayo on my chest! Crystal had to balance a pickle between her lip and nose etc. I really enjoyed this game it was a lot of fun! I am glad Nicole picked it up!

Well that basically wraps up, I need to go adjust my fantasy lineup, of course one of my top players Hakeem Nicks is a game time decision if he will play! AH!

Jessica

It's about time..

I have always wanted to start a blog. I have always admired reading other peoples blogs and wished I could do the same. I feel like I need some sort of outlet daily to write my daily thoughts, feelings, emotions etc. I have never been much for writing(my handwriting is HORRIBLE.)

Today, started with one of my least favorite things to do. I had to get a blood test. Ick. I hate these. And of course it took the poor nurse 2 times to finally get the right stick. I was so light-headed. I cant even look at the needle when it hits my skin. The reason I had to do the blood test was to check my thyroid. For fertility purposes. I NEVER thought I would be here. I mean look at my family history, most of us in my family got pregnant at the thought of "getting pregnant." I have been so scared all my life that I would be pregnant before I wanted to be because of this history. And now here I sit almost 2 years later "trying" and all I have had is one mis-carriage. My regular OB seemed to think this was all normal. Not to me! Everyone around me is getting pregnant left and right and I have had always had this goal in my life to be DONE with children by the time I reached 30. Here I sit at 26 1/2 still childless. So with this I finally decided to see a fertility doctor. I love him, he is so amazing. I recently had a surgery to remove a fibroid, fistula and my septum(which formed my heart shaped uterus.) Dr. Craig seems to think that this should me get pregnant in 1-3 months. As it stood before with all those items in the way a baby could only land in 2 spots! HA! I was not going to gamble every month so that is why I decided to get the surgery. I go see Dr. Craig for a follow up on all the days BLACK Friday. One of my favorite shopping days. At least the stores open at midnight on Thanksgiving night so the appointment will not get in the way of my shopping! I hope 2012 means baby year. It will be my three year wedding anniversary! I cant believe its been three years, time has flown by. I still love Tim as much as the first day

This is a little background of what has been consuming my life lately. Its hard not to think of having a child daily, when my close friends and family have them, along with my job. I see children ALL day! I am so happy for all of them, but I would love to join them very, very soon...