2012 on the horizon

As I sip some yummy homemade hot chocolate from my good friend Nicole, It's really hard to describe the way I feel right now. I feel broken and numb. This month was the first month of "infertility help". Yes, I shouldn't think it should only take one month. But when you invest yourself and $300 you really hope that you are the lucky and get it on the first try. Plus its been 2 years in Jan. 2012, since we have been trying and have not had a successful life birth. Tim and I have decided that we are not going to try again with the doctors help next month due to the expense. This has been really hard on our marriage. It definitely made us stronger as a couple but is the root of a lot of quarrels. This next month we are planning on heading up to Flagstaff for a few nights to relax and hopefully play in the snow. I would love to make it as a goal to go out of town every month for at least one night. I wish we could make it happen and maybe we will.

Currently, Tim and I are planning on selling our house in April(3 years since we have been here). Which means we can sell it and not repay our 8,000 tax credit we got from the IRS for purchasing the house. This is actually keeping my mind distracted because I am OBSESSED with looking at houses. I have a redfin app on my IPAD. Its nice to see a lot of the houses are "pending" and are selling fast. We have decided to move because we want to be closer to our family, especially my mom. Also a bigger backyard would be nice. ;)

Tim and I have not decided what we want to do for New Years yet. We have had several offers to do things but have not decided yet. I am in a weird mood and don't know how I will feel come Saturday night.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Until next time,

XoXo,

J-Lo

Gratefulness

Gratefulness, something that I have been trying to achieve in my own personal life. I have learned to look at the small things that everyone takes for granted and be grateful for them. For example a job! Who can say now a days they have a job that they enjoy? Who can say that they have been with a company for almost 10 years! (Feb. 16th) I can't believe that myself a 26 year old that I have been with the same company for this long. I am lucky that I work Monday-Thursdays. And that they provide me with health insurance. I know this is very rare to have a company 100% cover me! I am grateful for the house that my husband and I own, and for the two cars that we own. I am lucky to have had my house cleaned inside and outside. (thanks to my wonderful grandma for this Christmas gift) I love my two girls, Bella and Lily. I am also very lucky to have amazing family. I am lucky to have such amazing supportive friends. Especially after the year I have had. I know who my true friends are after this crazy year. I love getting supportive texts, like asking how I am doing etc. And having you say some prayers for me would be much appreciative! There is nothing I want more in life right now then to start a family.

I am so excited for the weekend. Tomorrow morning begins with a Secret Santa/Stocking event for my work. Tomorrow night I am spending time with a few of the most amazing mothers/friends. Saturday is full of cookie baking and then an evening full of family time. Sunday, Football and cookie decorating with the family! These are some of my favorite things during this time of year!

Until next time,

XoXo

J-Lo(my initials at work ;)

Busy, busy holiday season!

So, don't get my wrong I LOVE the holidays. But my calender is packed full of holiday events to attend! This month nearly every day of every weekend of this month I at least have one even to attend if not two. I also always feel bad because I am not always able to attend all of them! I feel exhausted though looking at my calender.

To top it off I have a slew of doctor appts. I have never ever been to the doctor more then I have been this year. I feel so weird having to go to the doctor so much. Although, the doctor I have seen the most this year is my fertility doctor! This is a good thing because there will be a positive outcome with doctor eventually. I love talking so openly about this. I feel like more of us need to talk openly about this matter! Every where I seem to go someone has struggled with getting pregnant. I am currently taking Femara, a newer better version of Clomid. I really have had no symptoms that I have noticed which is nice. I go see Dr. Craig on Friday to have an ultra sound and then they will show me how to give myself an HCG shot. YIKES! Yes I said give myself a shot, I cringe thinking about it. I am thinking I will have to have my WONDERFUL hubby do it for now. Apparently, they are easy to do? Anyways they will tell me when to inject myself and when is the best time to "you know". Yes a little TMI but its the truth! I hope this go around works. I won't let all of you know when it happens, not until I am far along. I don't want a repeat of earlier this year.. I don't want to jinx it! That Femara stuff is expensive! Of course my insurance wont cover it. It is $160 for 10 pills! YIKES! But I keep telling myself it will all be worth it!

In the midst of all of this I am studying for a midterm for my online Chemistry class. It is going very well so far, but I always seem to choke on tests. I have found a new love for youtube! I have used my outline for my midterm and plugged them into you tube and have all of them explained to me in 100 different ways for me to understand and remember. Also this week is our annual holiday open house at my work. We throw a wonderful party at our office for our families and friends. It is a lot of fun, but also a LOT of work! I am tired thinking about it especially knowing that I have to take the midterm the following day..

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season so far! BTW do any of you watch CW's Gossip Girl or 90210?! Both episodes ended with a car crash! WTH! And they don't come back on for another month.

XoXo,
JLO

A Special Day

Today is my wonderful husband, Tim Loken's birthday! What an exciting day. If his parents hadn't given birth to him 26 years ago, who knows where I would be right now. I am so lucky to have found such a wonderful, strong man. Last night we went out with my grandma, grandpa and mom for his birthday dinner. Then after Tim went and bought some Nike shoes that he has been wanting for awhile. We also got him a nice packer hat. Today, we are going to just relax maybe get a soft meal. Since today was a Friday and I don't work I scheduled a dental procedure today. I am eating some homemade apple sauce from my mom! I have to say I am so lucky to be in the dental community. Because I am a dental assistant and my grandpas ties with other dds' in the area. I was able to get this oral surgery procedure done today. I have had this "bump" inside my lower left lip for awhile. Come to find out its a fibroma(scar tissue buildup). I am have been too scared to do anything about it for a year now. And I am a dental assistant, sad huh? Finally, it was starting to bug me so much I decided to go visit Dr. Leslie Fish (http://www.drlfish.com/) He is an amazing doctor. I just used N2O and that worked wonders fro me. I listened to my ipod and just rested my eyes during the appt and nothing really bothered me at all! And believe me my pain tolerance is LOW. If you ever need any type of oral surgery work see him! I highly rec. him. The assistant that worked with me was such a sweet heart. Come to find out her and I are have fertility issues. She is 26 like me and trying desperately to conceive. It was nice to connect with someone and sit there and discuss everything we have done.

Speaking of fertility, I am soon starting Femara tomorrow. This is a newer fertility drug and does not have as many side effects as Clomid. This mom from my office said that Clomid made her mean. So I am hoping Femara does not do this to me. I am warning all of you now, don't take me seriously if I give you attitude for the next week ;) Anyways I hope this month is my "lucky" month. Even if it would be a September baby and I would be huge during the summer. IT IS SO WORTH IT!

I am looking forward to the holidays this year even if I am not going to decorate our own house. This possibly could be our last year at this house as well and I just don't have the energy to decorate. I think this baby stuff, work, and my chemistry class are eating up all of my energy right now. This is why I am especially excited for my grandmas Christmas gift to Tim and I. She is getting our house cleaned and the yard maintenance done! Yay! No heavy duty cleaning or yard work this month. And Tim and I are very clean people so this deeper house cleaning will last a long while.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend so far!

Until next time,

XoXo,

Jessica