2012 on the horizon

As I sip some yummy homemade hot chocolate from my good friend Nicole, It's really hard to describe the way I feel right now. I feel broken and numb. This month was the first month of "infertility help". Yes, I shouldn't think it should only take one month. But when you invest yourself and $300 you really hope that you are the lucky and get it on the first try. Plus its been 2 years in Jan. 2012, since we have been trying and have not had a successful life birth. Tim and I have decided that we are not going to try again with the doctors help next month due to the expense. This has been really hard on our marriage. It definitely made us stronger as a couple but is the root of a lot of quarrels. This next month we are planning on heading up to Flagstaff for a few nights to relax and hopefully play in the snow. I would love to make it as a goal to go out of town every month for at least one night. I wish we could make it happen and maybe we will.

Currently, Tim and I are planning on selling our house in April(3 years since we have been here). Which means we can sell it and not repay our 8,000 tax credit we got from the IRS for purchasing the house. This is actually keeping my mind distracted because I am OBSESSED with looking at houses. I have a redfin app on my IPAD. Its nice to see a lot of the houses are "pending" and are selling fast. We have decided to move because we want to be closer to our family, especially my mom. Also a bigger backyard would be nice. ;)

Tim and I have not decided what we want to do for New Years yet. We have had several offers to do things but have not decided yet. I am in a weird mood and don't know how I will feel come Saturday night.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Until next time,

XoXo,

J-Lo

Gratefulness

Gratefulness, something that I have been trying to achieve in my own personal life. I have learned to look at the small things that everyone takes for granted and be grateful for them. For example a job! Who can say now a days they have a job that they enjoy? Who can say that they have been with a company for almost 10 years! (Feb. 16th) I can't believe that myself a 26 year old that I have been with the same company for this long. I am lucky that I work Monday-Thursdays. And that they provide me with health insurance. I know this is very rare to have a company 100% cover me! I am grateful for the house that my husband and I own, and for the two cars that we own. I am lucky to have had my house cleaned inside and outside. (thanks to my wonderful grandma for this Christmas gift) I love my two girls, Bella and Lily. I am also very lucky to have amazing family. I am lucky to have such amazing supportive friends. Especially after the year I have had. I know who my true friends are after this crazy year. I love getting supportive texts, like asking how I am doing etc. And having you say some prayers for me would be much appreciative! There is nothing I want more in life right now then to start a family.

I am so excited for the weekend. Tomorrow morning begins with a Secret Santa/Stocking event for my work. Tomorrow night I am spending time with a few of the most amazing mothers/friends. Saturday is full of cookie baking and then an evening full of family time. Sunday, Football and cookie decorating with the family! These are some of my favorite things during this time of year!

Until next time,

XoXo

J-Lo(my initials at work ;)

Busy, busy holiday season!

So, don't get my wrong I LOVE the holidays. But my calender is packed full of holiday events to attend! This month nearly every day of every weekend of this month I at least have one even to attend if not two. I also always feel bad because I am not always able to attend all of them! I feel exhausted though looking at my calender.

To top it off I have a slew of doctor appts. I have never ever been to the doctor more then I have been this year. I feel so weird having to go to the doctor so much. Although, the doctor I have seen the most this year is my fertility doctor! This is a good thing because there will be a positive outcome with doctor eventually. I love talking so openly about this. I feel like more of us need to talk openly about this matter! Every where I seem to go someone has struggled with getting pregnant. I am currently taking Femara, a newer better version of Clomid. I really have had no symptoms that I have noticed which is nice. I go see Dr. Craig on Friday to have an ultra sound and then they will show me how to give myself an HCG shot. YIKES! Yes I said give myself a shot, I cringe thinking about it. I am thinking I will have to have my WONDERFUL hubby do it for now. Apparently, they are easy to do? Anyways they will tell me when to inject myself and when is the best time to "you know". Yes a little TMI but its the truth! I hope this go around works. I won't let all of you know when it happens, not until I am far along. I don't want a repeat of earlier this year.. I don't want to jinx it! That Femara stuff is expensive! Of course my insurance wont cover it. It is $160 for 10 pills! YIKES! But I keep telling myself it will all be worth it!

In the midst of all of this I am studying for a midterm for my online Chemistry class. It is going very well so far, but I always seem to choke on tests. I have found a new love for youtube! I have used my outline for my midterm and plugged them into you tube and have all of them explained to me in 100 different ways for me to understand and remember. Also this week is our annual holiday open house at my work. We throw a wonderful party at our office for our families and friends. It is a lot of fun, but also a LOT of work! I am tired thinking about it especially knowing that I have to take the midterm the following day..

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season so far! BTW do any of you watch CW's Gossip Girl or 90210?! Both episodes ended with a car crash! WTH! And they don't come back on for another month.

XoXo,
JLO

A Special Day

Today is my wonderful husband, Tim Loken's birthday! What an exciting day. If his parents hadn't given birth to him 26 years ago, who knows where I would be right now. I am so lucky to have found such a wonderful, strong man. Last night we went out with my grandma, grandpa and mom for his birthday dinner. Then after Tim went and bought some Nike shoes that he has been wanting for awhile. We also got him a nice packer hat. Today, we are going to just relax maybe get a soft meal. Since today was a Friday and I don't work I scheduled a dental procedure today. I am eating some homemade apple sauce from my mom! I have to say I am so lucky to be in the dental community. Because I am a dental assistant and my grandpas ties with other dds' in the area. I was able to get this oral surgery procedure done today. I have had this "bump" inside my lower left lip for awhile. Come to find out its a fibroma(scar tissue buildup). I am have been too scared to do anything about it for a year now. And I am a dental assistant, sad huh? Finally, it was starting to bug me so much I decided to go visit Dr. Leslie Fish (http://www.drlfish.com/) He is an amazing doctor. I just used N2O and that worked wonders fro me. I listened to my ipod and just rested my eyes during the appt and nothing really bothered me at all! And believe me my pain tolerance is LOW. If you ever need any type of oral surgery work see him! I highly rec. him. The assistant that worked with me was such a sweet heart. Come to find out her and I are have fertility issues. She is 26 like me and trying desperately to conceive. It was nice to connect with someone and sit there and discuss everything we have done.

Speaking of fertility, I am soon starting Femara tomorrow. This is a newer fertility drug and does not have as many side effects as Clomid. This mom from my office said that Clomid made her mean. So I am hoping Femara does not do this to me. I am warning all of you now, don't take me seriously if I give you attitude for the next week ;) Anyways I hope this month is my "lucky" month. Even if it would be a September baby and I would be huge during the summer. IT IS SO WORTH IT!

I am looking forward to the holidays this year even if I am not going to decorate our own house. This possibly could be our last year at this house as well and I just don't have the energy to decorate. I think this baby stuff, work, and my chemistry class are eating up all of my energy right now. This is why I am especially excited for my grandmas Christmas gift to Tim and I. She is getting our house cleaned and the yard maintenance done! Yay! No heavy duty cleaning or yard work this month. And Tim and I are very clean people so this deeper house cleaning will last a long while.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend so far!

Until next time,

XoXo,

Jessica

End of Thanksgiving weekend

As I sit here and write this blog I am finally experiencing Pandora. I am so behind on the times. I am also typing this blog from my new IPAD! I am in love with this thing. It is amazingly fast and there are still so many things to discover. I also bought a case with wireless keyboard that helps me type easily for long things like this. I can't believe how fast this "long" weekend went. Wednesday afternoon was filled with running errands picking up Tims cousin Leo. He wanted to stay at our house weekend, which was totally fine with us! I was also able to make an appt with the Oral Surgeon. I have been putting it off forever cause I am scared, and I am a dental assistant! What a wimp. Well since I am a dental assistant I am having the procedure done for free. I think I will bring them a fruit platter or something. Thursday was full of Turkey, literally. We first spent the morning at Tims family watching our packers play and win of course! Then we went to my moms for Thanksgiving. She cooked the whole meal her self! She did an AMAZING job! My mom and I braved Black Friday although we were both not really looking for anything but it felt wrong not going. My mom then the following morning went to my favortie doctor at the moment no matter how much they poke and prawd me, my fertility Dr. Craig. After that appointment I felt happy and reassured something should be happening very soon. And also a little sore from the injection they gave me. I did some more shopping by going to Dolce Salon and Spa getting "hunies" which were $40 and I get $100 worth of service. This is also the day Tim came home from work and suprised me with my ipad! Saturday my good friend Nicole had a Taffy pulling party. Bascially it was great girl time. The taffy part didnt work in our favor that day. Oh well it was funny to laugh about it. Then of course Sunday is filled with football. But this Sunday was filled with me reading through the Hunger Games Book 1. OMG, this is amazing book and ordered the next two right away. Yes I can now order them straight to my ipad but I like holding books. I guess I am old fashioned? So usually this is the weekend people bring out all of their Christmas decorations and put up lights. For some reason this year I am in the Christmas spirit every where but in my own home. I dont feel like putting up our tree or getting out any decorations for that matter. I stare now at the onsie that says "babys first Christmas" that I had bought back in March for .75 cents, anticipating our first child. I wonder if deep down this is why I dont have the urge to get all the Christmas gear out this year because it feels empty. I am hoping/better be celebrating next Christmas as a family of three. I honestly dont know how much longer Ill be able to take it. Everyone keeps saying all will be fine, it will happen when its supposed to etc. Of course I love people caring but in reality it doesnt help me feel any better. Alright enough of my sob story.. Until next time, XoXo JLo

Thanksgiving Eve..

Here I am sitting at my computer. I just finished submitting my weekly homework assignment for Chemistry. I was so happy to submit it this week because I really understood it. I have my midterm coming up soon I am very nervous for that! I don't do well with tests, never have, never will I think. At least I have a wonderful teacher that is helping me every step of the way to succeed in this class.

Sadly, earlier last week Tim found a dead bunny aka rabbit in our front yard. I was so sad to hear this. It was a pretty large gray bunny. And I also wondered how did a bunny get into our yard? It's not like I live in the middle of nowhere. Then tonight Tim and I spotted a black bunny hopping around our yard and our neighbors yard. Tim asked the next door neighbor if it was his and of course it wasn't. I am thinking it has to be someones bunny right? I mean how many wild black bunnies do you see in the wild? Tim and I decided to put some carrots out for it tonight. We call him/her smokey. She seemed to like them, so we put a bunch out. I don't want the bunny to starve! I am wondering if we should call an animal shelter? I don't know what to do. She of course is impossible to catch.

On this eve of thanksgiving I have a lot of things to be thankful for. Of course my health first off even if I have been feeling poked and prodded all year. I think this year I have been to more doctors then I have ever in the past. Ick. Although it has helped with my major fear with needles. For example, blood tests I have learned to manage as long as I look away and have an excellent nurse doing them. I have to have another procedure next week but at least I will get some "laughing" gas! :) I am also thankful for my wonderful husband, mother, father, brother, grandmother, cousins, friends, etc. I could go on and on. I am also thankful for my wonderful girls Bella and Lily. I am thankful that I am able to spend two thanksgivings tomorrow first off with Tim's family and then later with mine. I am thankful that I can actually go out on Black Friday and be able to purchase things. I am thankful for my house, job, car. I know that I am spoiled with everything I have. I am a very lucky lady.

Until next time,

XoXo,
J-Lo

Randomness

Today was just another Monday at work. I had one of the cutest patients come in today(okay, there is always a ton of cute ones daily), but this one stood out to me more. The patient was under the age of two, and just the cutest thing ever. The little patient even came up to me and wanted to sit in my lap and showed me his little special toy and everything. The parent mentioned to me that the child did not do that to just anyone. Made my day! These are some of the perks with my job. I get to hang out with cute kids all day and listen to all the quirky things they say all day. I can't wait till the day I have one of my own though! Soon, very soon it better happen..or else I may be wanted for kidnapping my doctor. Just kidding, but really it better happen soon or else I will become a crazy lady. I have a very important doctor apt on Friday at 8:30 to meet with my favorite Dr. Craig to discuss my future! :) I am super excited and Friday can not come any sooner!

This week is Thanksgiving. I can't believe how fast it came up. I will be spending most of the afternoon with Tim's aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. It should be a lot of fun. In the evening we will be at my mom's hanging out eating and looking at the ads for black Friday. One of my favorite crazy days of the year. I am on a mission this year for a tablet of some sort and maybe a laptop. Who knows? I love bargains in case you didn't know. If you would like to know of some fantastic bargain sites, then "like" these on face book. http://www.facebook.com/?ref=cue#!/Hip2Save, http://www.facebook.com/?ref=cue#!/CuckooForCouponDeals , http://www.facebook.com/?ref=cue#!/ArizonaShoppingSecrets (Arizona people only), http://www.facebook.com/?ref=cue#!/discountqueen. I have already gotten a lot of deals, coupons, freebies from them. For example in the mail today I received a free sample of toms of maine toothpaste and a free sample of beef jerky. I am also a avid coupon cutter and get the newspaper weekly which has ads in it on Sundays along with the coupon inserts! I usually save at the very least $40.00 on groceries every trip we make.

Until next time,

XoXo,
J-Lo